Saturday, April 25, 2009


Today Travis used the words 'quintessential' and 'cadence'.
Good job, Trav.

My word of the day:

Had my RA interview, did not make it.

What could have been a hopeless night turned into a pleasing one.

It sounded like someone dropped a thousand piano keys for a long period of time outside and now sirens are on the scene. I have no idea what to expect.

I like chatting online. I think it's because of these reasons:
  1. I like typing/writing in general.
  2. I can articulate my thoughts more easily.
  3. People generally open up more easily, which I know many well-balanced people frown upon greatly, but sometimes that's just how it goes for us shyer folks.
  4. It's just relaxing and I can zone out whenever I feel like it.
Something that has also come to my attention recently is the fact that I am labeled 'social', something I never would have described myself as. And when I analyze that -- it has become such a reality that it blows my mind. I used to be so antisocial in big groups of people. I used to cower in a corner and wait for the night to end. I used to go home and cry to my mom about how much I hated the way I was and how jealous of my sister I would be. But now it's like I THRIVE in a big group of people. I always want someone around and I love getting to know people. Well -- I've always liked getting to know people, but strictly on a one-on-one basis.

I suppose the only thing I really miss is having that really, almost unnaturally genuine heart-to-heart connection with someone. Then again, I feel like in high school we would always just play with the idea of having huge issues and "needing" to talk it out. I liked sitting in the parking lot and chatting about life. I liked sleeping outside and roasting marshmallows in our rusty fire pit. Will that change this time around coming home? Will I be past all that? I'm kind of scared to be. I'm kind of scared to be so far away from everyone else at home. That they just "won't understand" or that I can't get on their level anymore. But then I think, "Sarah -- you always worry about this stuff and you always fall back into place." But what if I don't want to fall back into place? What if I want to try to move out and away from all that familiar stuff. It's like I was so hurt at the beginning of the year that I didn't want to let go, and now that I have -- I want to push it away.

That seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life -- once I get over something I want it GONE. G-O-N-E. I do it with people a lot. I know I do. I'm really trying to confront myself with it, but all at the same time I debate with the idea of Growing Up. We all change so much, but will we ever stop changing? Will life be a continuous recycling of friends and people?

I throw a lot of hypothetical, I-won't-worry-about-this-whatsoever-after-I-type-this questions out there. So don't feel the need to respond. I just get super reflective at night. I wonder if falling asleep is this stressful for anyone else....

Other things on the mind:
Soft Sculpture -- what the hell am I doing? And I need a ride for materials....
Process Book -- my ideas are bigger than my skills/materials at hand.
Research Presentation -- I think I'm just bringing my guitar and singing songs.
Theme for Media -- mleh. Not important yet.
I need to buy that book for Art History.
I need to give my 3D teacher $10. Woops.
The Media Center says I lost the mounting plate on their tripod.
Meg? Do you have it?

I'm going to bed.

No comments: