1. I'm working the art sale. Woo! Gonna make some monieeeez. 2. I signed up for an advising session to pick classes for next semester. Pretty stoked about that. 3. I sat in the college center for a total of six, count them, SIX hours today. 4. Writing class put me to sleep after I had just told my teacher how I had a "phenomenal" day. 5. I just had some much wanted hot chocolate from Spyhouse Coffee. 6. I am going to Tricerapops tonight for fun. 7. 505 did some official recording with unofficial ideas. 8. I'm ready to go home for a bit.
My eye has been twitching for a good week now. I can see it moving involuntarily as the light from my laptop reflects onto my eyelashes. Kind of crazy.
I've had many good talks with many good people this week. All have been extremely fulfilling. I can only see them continuing from here.
I made new friends this week too. And that feels really great. Networking, if that's what you want to call it, has become oddly easy for me, as pointed out by my roommate. Funny thing is, I always considered myself to have a difficult time with said aspect of life. My world is turning upside down, or rather, right side up.
www.myspace.com/meyoulikei Here, my new friend and I recorded a song for her video project. It's called "And You Will Be Happy". We plan on making more music together in the future. I'm happy to find not only someone who shares the same interest in making music while making art, but to find someone who is interested in making the same kind of music as I. Fulfilling.
On the other hand. A few things have been bothering me as of late that haven't bothered me in the past. I don't want to call it jealousy; I'm not sure if that's it. But it might be.
Tonight we saw Saw 5. The whole time I thought about home. How Cameron scared the living daylight out of me when he knocked on my basement window at 4 in the morning as I was watching Saw 2. How Janessa calls me Sa. How I rented Saw 4 accidentally 3 times this last summer because I always went to Redbox thinking I hadn't seen it yet. How no one at home really liked those movies except for Jill, and how I always liked her dark side.
And then I think -- all these things have, in one way or another, mirrored themselves here. Even the new nickname "Kitten". Weirds me out.
My tummy growls here all the time. It never did that at home.
"I am looking West and landing in the middle somewhere."
http://www.flickr.com/photos/80547607@N00/sets/72157608286998448/ Some of my artwork since I've been at MCAD. After reviewing it over all -- we haven't used very much color. And I've been okay with that. I approve of MCAD's methods so much. Then again, I don't disapprove of much of anything in my life. Damn optimism.
For the first time since that night of Sardines at Recess Club -- I'm unhappy. I've had tired, grumpy days, but today I'm genuinely upset. Perhaps it's the uneasiness of everyone else around me. Perchance it's homesickness. Perhaps it's the routine I've dug myself into that I just want out of.
Change is a daily dosage in my family. Jokingly, people give my sister the label "unstable". They don't say it straight out, but -- basically. Now that I've lived away from home, I've been slowing learning why she does what she does. Being unhappy in one place makes everything miserable, or at least, not fully enjoyable ever.
I'm not saying I'm unhappy here, but I think I was happier at home, and I feel like something is missing here. I miss stargazing and sitting in the foggy, heavy air. I miss laying on the couch all day watching movies, but mostly talking throughout. I miss womboing around in friends' kitchens and making weird foods together. I miss having deep conversations, relating on levels I've never experienced here.
I don't know if people here realize how I can be. I feel like I'm always a goof, and I want people to know my other side. I want to be loved, and I want to love others. I want to have real conversations, not about boys or even music. I want to know what scoops out people's insides and squishes around their thoughts. I just want a truly strong connection.
Sigh. This is probably too much for le intardnet, but where else am I going to get this out. I can't talk to people so easily about this, so I guess this is the only way to let them know.
Mondays and Wednesdays are very chill days. Class in the early morning, class at night. I have the whole day for the taking. What did I do today? Well after recreating the ending Fight Club scene on the Morrison wall, I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (made by a friend and cut in half diagonally), I did the dishes and vacuumed the hallway, I downloaded the new Copeland album, and now I think I'm going to rearrange my room. It's gawd-awful dirty and just needs change. Thus, I will change.
My priorities have been all over the place as of late. It's not bad time management, no. I've made a nasty habit in my life of putting friends before family/living mates. It needs to change. Thus, I will change.
I have an abundance of dirty laundry. That's normally something of which having an abundance of isn't celebrated.... Thus, I will change.
I could go for some mushrooms, Koolaid, J-Pimpin, Number One, Jul, Sa, Sahx, Sa-Anator, RahRah Sarah.
P.S. I love it when Copeland uses a small brass ensemble in their songs.
We were sitting on a blue fleece blanket and the morning dew from the grass was slowly seeping through the fibers. With zero sleep everything becomes funnier to four teenage girls. At that point I couldn’t have been more content, being accompanied by three of my best friends, wasting away the early morning hours before I headed eight hundred miles north to the Minneapolis College of Art and Design. Hugging one another, we sat silently in shock of the abrupt conclusion to our summer that was so quickly about to come to past. The sun began rising over the hill and we shared a few more laughs before returning home. We awkwardly said our goodbyes, and I couldn’t understand how my new home could ever compete with the place I was standing in at that moment. I felt so warm yet shaky inside; I didn’t want to leave them. They drove off to continue their lives, and I drove off in the other direction to continue mine. My new home awaited me, and I had the highest expectations.
There’s something about home in Blue Springs, Missouri that tears at my heart, as if simply thinking about it draws every inch of happiness out of my body. It’s hard to pinpoint what exactly it is about home that makes me feel so empty inside, but I know that where I live now is no home. Living here at college is more like a house; it’s a structure, a shelter, a current location. As of right now (though maybe in a few months it will be completely opposite) my current address is temporary and not where I plan to stay forever.
Starting out I believed home to be an abstract idea where only my memories lie, where I got poison ivy from adventuring around Blue Springs Lake, where I star gazed with my friends, where buying ice cream was a hometown ritual. It was where my heart rested and was content, where every beat had a place, and where it had been recently left behind. For so long I wanted to leave that miserable place where my parents controlled my every move, but when I tried to make home in Minneapolis I found it wasn’t the same in the slightest. After putting so much time and effort into grounding myself in Blue Springs I realized everything I loved, like my friends and the very air I breathed, became painfully far away and out of reach. However, through all of this change of environment I have grown in ways I never thought possible. I discovered all I really wanted was independence and the ability to do whatever I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted. In that way I have come to love my new home, and it is slowly becoming the abstract idea I thought it should be. The only variable to change in this time is the friendships I’ve made. Thus, I have revised my idea of home to say it is where my heart has companionship. Whether it is through family or friends, all I need to define a place as “home” is a strong connection with another human being. Now that I have friends in both places, I have two homes, but they are still two very separate places in my mind while sharing the same space in my heart.
Additionally, one should know that no matter where I am I’ve always had a hard time making friends. I’m very guarded at first, but after I feel comfortable in a room, or know at least one single person, I become my loopy, loud, silly self. I’ve been told I have no reason to be so shy because I have many amiable qualities, but I’ve always been such a spectator, not flaunting my qualities in front of others. I love learning about people and how they work, whether it is their inability to show their feelings or inability to hold them in. In that sense I believe I become closer with those around me, being able to adapt to their needs as a friend. With that said, having a group of close friends is much more of a priority to me than having many acquaintances. The latter can be so lonely when life (like moving to college) happens. At home it took me eight years to find a group of friends with whom I truly belonged. I had been through so many different collections of people as I grew up and changed, never really knowing what my own recipe for a good friend included. I had the 06ers, the Sisterhood, DVS, JBGs, etc. All these groups of friends generally fizzled out after a year of school. Then, at the most inconvenient time to become attached to anyone, I made three friends right before I left for college. We spent nearly every day of the summer together, up to the very hour before I hit the road with my parents. One can’t imagine the hurt I felt when I had to say goodbye and move away from the prized pals I had so recently won. Companionship like that doesn’t come along so easily in one’s life, especially not mine.
College was unexpectedly quiet at first, but I was eager to make new acquaintances. I put on a generic friendly face and went about my business, scoping out the potential friends I could make along the way. My roommates were tolerable, but we didn’t “click” like I had seen others so effortless achieve. The weeks on my calendar scooted by like a moseying caterpillar. At that point I yearned for home, feeling hopeless and incapable of mustering up the courage to be myself around my peers. Because I was fully educated in my own habits, I knew that time was the only medicine for this loneliness disease. Thus I trucked on, getting more and more comfortable in my college routine. I made my first direct attempt at social interaction by attending the school’s ever-so-famous Recess Club. There I unsuspectingly met the four people with whom I would spend the rest of the semester. From that point on, I was completely content in my new home and finding companionship was checked off my To-Do list. Happiness consumed me.
Though these friendships aren’t exactly the same and will never replace one or the other, I have become fully content living here at college or back home in the suburbs. The only difference between these two groups of close friends, besides the physical features and names, is the memories we share together. I’m thankful to experience life with both because many best friends are better than one, and with them I have found my idea of home in two very different places.
This weekend was quite the lovely, to say the least.
Friday. Me Day. I woke up at noon, took a shower, did a load of laundry, made lunch, and watched a movie. Karen left to go home for her birthday. Then there was le sleepover with the girls. We had a picnic of fried foods and green beans on the living room floor and then watched The Jacket and Garden State. Sleep.
Saturday. In the morning I went shopping with Carl and Alyssa for 2D supplies and came back and watched another movie with the girls. Basically the weekend consisted of a lot of movies. Sara went home. I came home and napped and then Flower, Charlotte, and I grabbed some hot chocolate from the Spyhouse coffee shop. Then we waited for the grocery van, but didn't make it on, so we went to a garage sale and bought cute little trinkets and postcards and state fair award-winning rhubarb jam and apple jelly. For many hours we kind of walked around with nothing to do; everyone was home for the weekend or was busy with visitors. At that point Carl called, asking if I wanted to join him as he measured the 2D wall space. Peter also accompanied us and we talked a while in the Morrison. We agreed that time spent there is really peaceful, and I might be there a lot more in the winter time. Those boys are great! We headed up to the Super Smash Brothers Brawl for some free pizza and indulged in cheesey deliciousness. Then we girls chatted with Carla and made cookies. Bonding time with the RAs has been fun this year, I really enjoy them. Then it was night time, where the party really began. Midnight bike ride! Justin, Anthony, Dylan, Colin, Carla, Millie, Alice, Mus, Charlotte, Sara, and myself rode about the town for a good few hours. Carla rode into a bush whilst opening a can of beer and became covered in all sorts of nasty things. So graceful. We rode to places I had never seen before, and it felt so good. I forgot how much I love riding bikes, and so I'm going to look around for one. My mommy said she'd buy me one if I found one I liked. I love my mommy. Sidetracked. THEN we took pictures on the big blue bridge and enjoyed some cookies. After riding on for a bit we stopped at this place and ventured through the dark on this sketchy path on this sketchy cliff next to this sketchy-smelling river and had a blasty blast. I love adventuring, but that part got kind of intense....when we finally got out to the street, there were these guys standing in the window arches of this building like statues, unmoving. The boys hopped in the other windows with them and we all took pictures. So fun! And then we got back on our bikes and rode home. When everyone finally made it to the grassy knoll, we trekked it to Colin's house where we had a mini dance party. I was so hot, thirsty, and tired that I only made it through a few songs before I had to check out. Apparently people left soon after me, and it was a good night. After showering and refueling with ice water, I fell asleep around 4.
Sunday. Woke up around 9 to go to fellowship. That was short, and then I came home and made a quesadilly and took a nap. Charlotte and Sara woke me up to get more hot chocolate at Spyhouse and then we headed up to the College Center to make Amy a birthday card. Then we went grocery shopping and I got some avocadoes of which I'm really excited about. I also bought another SB card for 40$. Hate spending money there. Theeeen Taco Party for Amy's birthday and layin on the lawn til now.
Tomorrow I think I'll meditate with some drawing. I could use a good session with my pencil and iPod. We work well together. Hanging out with people is spectacular, but I've always cherished my alone time very highly. There's something about being silent and still that can't be replaced. I need it, moreso than usual lately. I need home a lot too.
1. Wake up at 7 to finish homework. After coming home at 2 in the morning, I fell asleep with my Texture Self-Portrait unfinished. I planned on waking up early in the morning to finish because I was too pooped out to function. And thus I went to sleep and woke up to Damien Rice's "The Animals Were Gone". It's such a peaceful way to wake up. So then I grabbed my computer after a dreadful dreaming of losing it, and I finished my project by 8:15. At that point I laid back in bed for a while, then got up and showered and actually ate breakfast. It was quite the lovely morning, but I didn't last long before I crashed....
2. 2D Class was bomb. I love it always. All our assignments were pretty B.A. and our teacher confessed his love for all of us. :) At that point we gathered in our groups and discussed our Fight Club scene recreation. After that was going nowhere, he let us out an hour early. Pretty great class.
3. Love Actually is an adorable movie. I watched it after class and enjoyed a delicious chicken salad sandwich. The lack of sleep, however, caught up with me and I didn't make it through the whole movie before drowning in dreams once again. I slept til about 4 and it was worth every lost minute. I felt unbelievably refreshed, and back to my normal state.
4. Cake baking and Neil Gaiman It was K-Rad's birthday today, and festivities had been planned. I was in charge of le cake due to my mother's sweet bag of goodies she sent with my sister when she visited. So I baked it quickly and ran out the door to go see the end of Neil Gaiman's book tour for our Writing Class' assignment. I was pretty bummed, missing out on the party to go see a lecture by someone I didn't know. But then I found out he wrote Stardust, and I got hella excited! We sat in the open seats in the front right pew and waited for him to come out. The lights lowered and suddenly we realized why such seemingly treasurable seats were unwanted; we couldn't see him! There was a giant podium directly in our line of view and dissatisfaction swept over us. I was sitting on the end, and was probably the only one who could see him, and, funny enough, he saw me falling out of my seat in the aisle. He leaned over, trying to see how many other people couldn't see, and of course it was just us 5 kids who really wanted to see him, so he says on the microphone in his charming British accent, "Can you see over there?" I pinch my fingers together, saying, "Not really...." Then with his celebrity powers, he pushes every in the center front row to the sides and we wiggle our way into the best seats in the house. He was reading to us from five short feet away. I hung onto every word he said, as if they were the last to be spoken on the earth as we knew it. He melted my heart in ways I hadn't been expecting that night. And when the time came, I wasn't ready to leave.
But I bought two books, Coraline and Stardust, and I can't wait to read them. :)
5. Cake Decorating and Birthday Celebrations I got home and ran up to the apartment, back into reality. I frosted Karen's cake and meticulously placed the sprinkles in such a manner as to spell out "K-RAD". It looked awful, and for that, it looked wonderful. I walked it over to the party and everyone chimed in with a lovely Happy Birthday song when I presented le cake. It felt really good to celebrate a birthday, for really no good reason. It's such a celebration of appreciation and love. Sigh.
6. Recess Club is my favorite time of the week. It's now been moved to Wednesdays, which isn't totally terrible because I get two nights of glory in a row, Thursdays holding The Office. Woo! But we played soccer and it. was. AWESOME. Total blasty blast, and next week holds more Ultimate Frisbee. Holla! Afterwards I watched Love Actually in the 301 apartment.
7. Sleepin' in 301 So we finish the movie around 2 and I still have homework to do, so I feel like I can't go home because I KNOW that if I do that, I'll DEFINITELY go to sleep. Not like it mattered much; I fell asleep anyhow. In fact, I fell asleep next to Z3 and stayed there all night. Not gonna lie, that was a great sleep! I liken it to the episode of Friends where Ross and Joey nap together and enjoy it so much, they go back for a second round. Oh yeah. hahaha
So that's that. I bombed my Art History test, and not the good kind of bombing.... I have good ideas for the art sale. I'm done with Week 7 of school, halfway done. I can't wait to go home and see my Reynolds siblings.
Sarah currently studies Animation at the Minneapolis College of Art and Design, though she is originally from Blue Springs, Missouri. She takes inspiration from friends and family near and far and loves her cut paper.